More specifically, our testimonies of the gospel go through the same roller coaster. I often see this as I go about my missionary service. I've met members of the church--particularly new members--whose testimonies are sure and firm. These people are at a high. On the opposite end are those who doubt the conviction they once had. Their testimony is weak, and things they once knew to be true are now a little hazy. These people are at a low.
The question I want to pose is this: how do we keep our testimonies constant? How do we avoid this weakening of conviction?
The first answer is activity. We must be actively involved in the church, and actively LIVE the gospel. President Gordon B Hinckley taught this concept so well. In a February 1999 broadcast, President Hinckley said "Activity is the genius of this Church. It is the process by which we grow. Faith and love for the Lord are like the muscle of my arm. If I use them, they grow stronger. If I put them in a sling, they become weaker."
I know this to be true. We must be actively involved and immersed in the gospel in order to maintain a firm testimony.
So is that it then? If we live the gospel each day does that mean our testimony is invincible and we will never again experience any "lows?" From my experience, the answer is no. Even as I strive to live the gospel to the best of my ability each day, I find that my testimony is still tested, attacked, and at times, shaken.
Elder Jeffrey R Holland, of the quorum of the 12 apostles, confirmed the fact that everyone will at some point in their lives experience a testing of their testimony. He tells of when Christ casted a "dumb spirit" from a man's son (Mark 9:17-27). Elder Holland emphasized that this father, though believing, still did not have an unshaken conviction. The father plead with the Lord, "help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24).
This applies to each of us when we experience doubts and questions. Elder Holland taught "In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy's affliction or this parent's desperation is going to come to all of us."
Then the solution:
"When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes" (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Lord, I Believe," April conference, 2013).
When I think of holding fast to what I already know, I think of what I call my "anchors." My anchors are powerful, spiritual experiences from my past that I hold to, especially when my testimony is tried. There were times when I felt a strong feeling, and I KNEW that feeling was coming from God. There have been times where I've felt I should do something, but didn't know why. Then, after doing it, I realized that without a doubt that feeling was an impression from the Holy Spirit.
I believe that Heavenly Father gives us these sacred experiences as anchors, to keep us firm in times of trial. I experienced this not too long ago. As I was going through my days as a missionary, things began to get difficult, and I began to get discouraged. Each day it compounded, until eventually I was doubting just about everything I thought I knew. It was one of the scariest feelings I'd ever felt. I felt like I was free-falling, lower and lower, and I was grasping for anything that would save me from crashing to the bottom. Nearing the point of desperation, I plead for help in prayer. The spirit reminded me of a general conference talk, "Lord, I Believe" by Elder Holland, which is the talk I quoted above. As I read it, I found great solace as I was reminded to hold to the faith I already had. The way I did that was by remembering my anchoring experiences, and how undeniable the spirit was in those moments. As I did this, I caught hold of the branch of safety that I was wildly flailing for. I was anchored, and could now weather the storm. With some time, the doubts left me, and I found myself with an unbroken, unmoved, deeply-rooted conviction that I knew God was there, and that the gospel I live and teach came from Him.
Now, when I begin to have doubts, I bring to my mind these experiences. These undeniable, anchoring experiences are what hold my conviction firm and steadfast. No matter what is thrown at me, my firm knowledge will never be moved. Tried, yes. Even shaken. But never moved.
So that is my invitation to you. Live a life of activity in the gospel, and as you do you will be given spiritual experiences. Then, when your conviction is tested and doubt creeps in, these "anchors" will save you from the storm. And when the storm clouds fade, you'll find that you are stronger, your faith is greater, and your conviction more sure.
"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God" (Ether 12:4).
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